Cycle of Sin, ''God is with you''

I don't know about you, but I have these periods, in my still early following of Christ journey, where I fall into a pattern of sin. Where it seems that no matter how many times I go to confession, I just can't shake these habits. I feel despair and can't pray because I believe God is angry with me and wouldn't want to hear from me anyway.

I am the same as Adam and Eve in the garden, hiding from God. Trying to hide my shame. Trying to hide my nakedness. I didn't want the Lord to look at me and see my horrible even though I already knew that He knew what it was. I thought if I didn't pray and talk to God or read His word that He wouldn't see me until I felt comfortable enough to talk to Him. The He would ignore me because I disappointed Him. Which couldn't be further from the truth.

Lamentations 3:22- ''Because of the Lord's great love, we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail.''

As said in the Bible the Lord's love and compassion is endless as long as we continue to turn to Him no matter how many times we fall. He is always waiting on us to turn back Him and truly seek Him. And I know that we can feel as if God hates us when we fail or fall back into old sins we thought we had gotten rid of.

This can start a cycle of sin where we keep falling into our same old habits and going to confession for the same thing every week or every couple days. The devil wants us to feel shame. He wants us to feel that God does hate us and that we can never be truly forgiven. I know this feeling can drive me into a corner and make me completely fall off the straight and narrow path.

The self-loathing and self-hatred I feel in these times can be unbearable. I try and figure out everything when I need to only lean on God and His promises. God has really been working on my heart with this lately. I am finally starting to open up deep wounds that I have carried for a longtime and never thought were hindering me. I thought that as long as I ''knew'' Jesus was real and that He was God I automatically wouldn't deal with these struggles anymore.

I had a distorted view of Christ. I thought I would heal completely without having to expose my hurts and brokenness to the Lord. I now know how wrong I was with that assumption. The Lord is now cracking open my deepest struggles and I am finding inner peace and healing from it. The Lord already knows how struggles so we shouldn't be ashamed to bring them before Him.

Mark 10:27-''...For mortals it is impossible, but not for God; for God all things are possible''

Remember that you and I are human. We can do no good without God. We are called to faith and obedience to Him, when we do that God will provide all our other needs. When we submit and trust God, He can do wonders through us. We can help others that suffer from the same hurts and sins and bring them to the Father through His Son, Our Lord Jesus Christ.

With God we can overcome this cycle of sin and have faith that causes mountains to crumble. He doesn't hate you. He isn't ignoring you. He isn't punishing you. He is patiently waiting on our return and to embrace us with that long overdue Fatherly hug. So don't wait. Always come rushing back to God for He hasn't abandon us.